Urians Reise (singable version)
Travails of a Bore
Claudius
A chap who goes a travellin'
Can tell you quite a tale, Sir.
I took my stick, put on my hat
And so I hit the trail, Sir.
Well done, old chum. My what a carry on!
Whatever yer name is, do go on.
I made my way to the north pole,
By golly it was cold there.
I very quickly realised
I should have packed my mohair.
Well done, old chum. My what a carry on!
Whatever yer name is, do go on.
In Greenland they were very pleased
To have me pay a visit.
They brought me jugs of foaming beer;
That's not my tipple, is it!
Well done, old chum. My what a carry on!
Whatever yer name is, do go on.
The Eskimos are big and wild,
Those from the Terra Nova.
I punched some fellow on the nose
And got a going over.
So, here it was, America;
Well, wha’d’ you know, I shouted,
That's where the Northwest Passage is;
Whose ‘xistence has been doubted.
I boarded ship and sailed away
To all points of the compass,
But couldn’t find it anywhere;
Seems I had reached an impasse.
I made my way to Mexico,
That’s due sou’west of Dover,
I’d heard that there was lots of gold;
I thought I’d be in clover.
How frightf’lly, terr’bly, awf’lly wrong
A poor old chap can be, Sir!
Just nothing there but sand and stone,
Nothing at all for me, Sir.
I made myself some cheese on toast
By a convenient brazier,
Then took a seat on the express
And journeyed on to Asia.
The Mogul, an important man,
Adviser and consoler,
Was with his dental surgeon who
Was pulling out a molar.
He’s in a lot of pain, I thought,
However high his status.
What point in being a Mogul, when
You’ve toothache , that’s atrocious.
I promised our hotelier
I’d pay him what was owing.
To China, the mysterious East,
Now, that’s where I was going,
The Indies , closely followed by
Africa and its nations;
I very thoroughly explored
Their towns and populations.
Where’er I went was just like here;
The home of cranks and crackpots,
The people there were just like us,
A crowd of tinpot tosspots.
Won’t do, old son, that sort of carry on!
Whatever yer name is, Sir, be done!
This page Copyright © 2024 Uri Liebrecht