Urians Reise um die Welt
The Travails of a Bore


A chap who goes a’travellin’
Can tell you many a tale;
I took my stick, put on my hat
And so I hit the trail.
There’s a thing! Well done, old chum,
Er, what’s yer name, go on, go on …..

First I went north to the pole.
By golly it was cold!
Not long till I had realised,
Best not have left the fold.
There’s a thing! …. etc

In Greenland they were very pleased
To have me pay a visit.
They brought me a great jug of beer.
Not quite my tipple, is it?
There’s a thing! .... etc

The Eskimos are big and wild,
Those from the Terra Nova.
I punched one of them on the nose
And got a going over.
There’s a thing! .... etc

Now I was in America,
I said, Well, wha’ d’you know,
It’s where the Northwest Passage is,
Why, that’s the way to go.
There’s a thing! .... etc

I jumped aboard, went out to sea,
‘Scope clamped to my right eye,
But couldn’t find it anywhere,
Though I searched low and high.
There’s a thing! .... etc

From here I went to Mexico –
It’s as far as Brum and back –
I’d heard that there was lots of gold
And so I took a sack.
There’s a thing! .... etc

Just how very,very, very, very
Wrong a chap can be!
There was nought but sand and stone.
So, I had a cup of tea.
There’s a thing! .... etc

I bought myself a bit of ham,
Sprats, Dundee cake, a feast!
I took a seat on the express
And made my journey East.
There’s a thing! .... etc

The Mogul’s an important man,
Kind to his folk, forsooth.
He was with his dentist
Who was pulling out a tooth.
There’s a thing! .... etc

Hmm, I thought, he is in pain,
However high his status.
What point in being a Mogul
With toothache, that’s atrocious.
There’s a thing! .... etc

I promised our landlord
That I’d pay for what was due,
Then sallied forth to China
And then to Timbuktu.
There’s a thing! .... etc

To the Indies and to Java,
Africa and its nations,
On my travels I explored
Their towns and populations.
There’s a thing! .... etc

Everywhere was just like here,
Everywhere a crackpot.
Those people, just like us,
Old fools, and that’s the upshot.
Say, that won’t do at all, old son.
Er, what’s yer name, have done, have done.